Monday, November 9, 2009

future anxieties

Last night I dreamt about a bureaucratic error. I dreamt that I received a letter and learned the truth in no uncertain terms; my high school certificate had never been "authorised" and it was time for me to go back and repeat yr 12. So I jumped into a bus and moved to Albany (the only place that still offered the 2003 curriculum), ready to sit through another year of nikita krushchev and endoplasmic reticulum and il faut que je, whilst all my peers headed into the future without me.

Yup, so my anxieties are pretty clearly expressed there. In three weeks time this Masters will be all behind me - and so too will 18 years of study and 6 years of university life. I haven't enrolled in anything else for next year. I don't have a job yet. I don't know what lies in wait for me. It's a little terrifying. If I may use a very respectable analogy, I feel just like Rory Gilmore circa season seven! I've never been more clear about what I want to do, and so I have never felt more scared about the alternate (im)possibilities.

So, as I often do in times of stress + anxiety, I have decided to make a list.

(AKA "how to avoid a breakdown if my unemployment lasts longer than expected")

- finish my showreel and my website (marketing the self = enjoyable?)
- perfect my collection of film, show, life ideas so i have them all ready to go in the event of a producer magically appearing and asking "WHAT YOU GOT!?"
- make sure my short film is absolutely perfect and amazing (basically still at uni thus far...)
- consume the pile of unread books that has slowly built up in my bedroom
- work my way through my newly acquired 100 Pies and Tarts book, yussss
- visit the beach on a daily basis
- cycle all the way to beach if at all possible
- return to the piano, learn some cracking new tunes
- maybe pick up the guitar too, why the hell not
- get krunk with my original gangstas, aka tbone, clion, jtat, mozi, sash et al
- travel to: busselton
- travel to: norway, france, spain, portugal, poland, brazil, peru, mexico, nyc, & cambodia
- get a full body massage
- attend heaps of boho sleepovers
- host heaps of sleepovers. also: barbeques, picnics, dinner parties and pool parties
- learn to sew
- learn to surf (lancellin surf camp anyone?)
- learn to sleep for more than six hours at a time
- maybe write some more reviews
- maybe try and get some more stuff published
- maybe write some more prose fiction
- cure my recently aquired caffeine addiction through a welcome return to chai lattes
- radically change my hair and perhaps also get my ears pierced?!
- watch: madmen, the wire, united states of tara, the sopranos (WHAT ELSE?)
- try tackling that 1001 movies list
- go on an unplanned 'photo-taking expedition'
- contemplate the varying places where i might want to consider living for a little while
- eat lots of extravagant breakfasts feat. hollandaise sauce and/or fresh strawberries
- get into scrapbooking. i'm not joking.
- try to train and complete a triathlon; even just a small one, even just on my own
- sort out my messy filing system! important!
- basically spend heaps of time with all the people that i am missing right now, as well as all the people who i have already spent excessive time with this year, but would like to spend more time with, outside of a working context.

OK so... pls offer me more suggestions!!1
These glimpses of holiday delight are pretty much saving me from depression right now.

Lotsa love
xxxxx magda